Pippin's life in clothes
by Lexxie-Lizzie
Summary: Merry and Pippin had a wonderful night at the Green Dragon, this is what happens afterwards
1. Pippin reminisces

My first LOTR fic  
  
yayaayayayayayayyyyayyayyayyayayayayayayy  
  
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I do not own anything. I can't be bothered to write anything else.   
  
Much like a certain hedgehog. (If you don't know what that means, go read some discworld novels)  
  
on with the story  
  
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The sun rose over Hobbiton. The sunlight spilled over the hilly countryside like maple syrup over  
  
a pile of lumpy pancakes. It seeped into the valleys and accumulated into large puddles. The sunlight  
  
squirmed its way into every crevice, like a cat trying to get at a cheese and chicken melted pizza.  
  
Someone decided to organize an orchestra onto the front lawn to play peer gynt suite number one.  
  
All was happy and peaceful and the swallows chased each other round the trees like the stripes on  
  
a candy cane. All was wondrously beautiful, and Pippin decided to have some more breakfast.  
  
Pippin yawned and stumbled into the house.   
  
"Hello house, hello saucepan, hello table, hello jam, hello....Merry?"  
  
"Hello Pip"  
  
"What are you doing in my house?"  
  
"If i remember correctly, this is my house"  
  
"Oh.......OH yes of course, now i remember."  
  
"Yes, we did have a wonderful time at the green dragon didn't we"  
  
"Oh yes, i drank and drank and drank.."  
  
"And sang"  
  
"Oh yes, the singing, how could i forget the singing"  
  
At this point Pippin jumped onto the table.  
  
"Ooooooooooooooh,   
  
hey ho to the bottle i go,  
  
to heal my heart and drown my woe,  
  
rain may fall and wind may blow"  
  
Merry joined in  
  
"But there'll still beeeeeeeeeee  
  
many miles to go"  
  
At this point, a number of jars of preserves and herbs have been knocked off the table by the tumultuous  
  
stomping of feet.  
  
"Sweet is the sound of the pouring rain  
  
and the stream that falls from hill to plain  
  
better than rain or rippling brook"  
  
Pippin jumped off the table and onto his feet  
  
"IS A MUG OF BEER INSIDE THIS TOOK"  
  
Merry got off the table and carefully replaced the misplaced jars  
  
"Oh, it was a fun night wasn't it"  
  
"Yes Pip, it was indeed"  
  
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Alright, i can't right LOTR fic for diddlysquat. I know, i am hopeless at it. But i can write discworld fic   
  
so go read some of that, byeeeeee 


	2. Pippin's dream

As before, i know nothing, say nothing, own nothing and writes atrocious stories which have no relevance to reality or fiction: so there nah  
  
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Twas the night before Yule, and all through the house, there was not a sound, not even a mouse. But there was a constant snoring emanating from Pippin's bed. Pippin had decided to go to sleep while Merry cleaned up the remains of jam and basil which had ingrained itself into the floor-boards. What Merry had neglected to tell Pippin about was the hallucinagenic properties of some of his special herbs. They weren't drugs or dangerous, hobbits were just a bit sensitive to the aroma of basil.  
  
So, in this state, Pippin had started the long journey into the land of Nod. A land where anything and everything happens.....  
  
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Pippin found himself walking along a yellowish tiled path, a path he deemed very similar to that of the pathway up to his front door. While he was puzzling at this, up jumped a scarecrow and this is what he said :  
  
"I'm a dingle dangle scarecrow with a flippy floppy hat...."  
  
The scarecrow never got to finish his song because Pippin pulled out his magic carrot and stuck it up the nose of the scarecrow. The scarecrow then turned into an apple. Pippin them stood by helpless as a purple version of Merry walked past, picked up the apple and ate it. For some reason Pippin cried out, "No, Merry!!"  
  
At this, Merry turned around, screamed and flew away. As Pippin was rolling around on the ground saying over and over "This can't be happening, this can't be happening....", a talking tree picked him up and took him to the white blizzard. This white blizzard turned out to be a blue mushroom which told Pippin "use the force, Pippin, and you shall be given the wings of a badger". This made sense to Pippin, who reached into his pocket and pulled out some staplers. These were taken by a gnome who was standing behind the mushroom. The gnome said, "Why have you given me such strange gifts?". Pippin replied in a loud voice "Because I can!". The gnome then turned a dark hue of green and disintergrated.  
  
Pippin then caught a cloud hedgehog to the land of the bumblyboo, where he met a poor little match girl. Pippin leaned down to her and whispered in a sympathetic voice, "Why are you sittin here, cold and alone, little match girl?". The match girl replied in an equally hushed voice "because i have no tinder to make a fire with and no friends or family to share it with". Pippin then sat beside the little match girl and held her round the shoulders to warm her frozen body. Pippin told the little match girl, "I will ever be at your side to keep you warm and to share that warmth." At this point, the little match girl stood up and pulled Pippin up by the hand. She let her head fall onto his shoulder and she whispered into his ear "Can i have your liver?". Pippin held her at arm's length and said in the softest of voices "I like you, but not in THAT way". The little match girl then started to weep and said, "I never knew you felt that way, Pippin". Pippin then took her by the hand said, "i know i can be so hurtful sometimes" The match girl replied "you're so hurtful". Pippin made to apologize but the little match girl turned to him and did a galadriel scene of freaking out in negative exposure, "SO THERE NAAAAAHHHHH". The little match girl then returned to her original form and exploded in a cloud of glitter and orange powder.   
  
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It was with this explosion that Pippin woke up in a lukewarm sweat. Merry rushed over to Pippin to see what was wrong. Pippin still held a panicky look in his eyes so Merry tried to shake him out of it. "Pippin, Stay calm, Don't Panic, Why Are You PANICKING?!?!?"  
  
Pippin cam back to the real world and told Merry "Never mind, twas but only a dream..." and Pippin rolled onto his side where he thought of that little match girl of his dreams........  
  
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NAWWWWW, now wasn't that ever so trippy and fuzzy. As before read and review, flame me if you want coz i know i usually destroy characters, SO THERE NAH 


	3. Pippin's discovery

*peer gynt suite number one playing in background* Hello, and welcome to the third episode of the Pippin series.  
  
It is with great sadness that i must say, I do not own Pippin, Merry, The saucepan, The jam, The special herbs, etc  
  
But i do own my creative mind. It is with great pleasure that i say to you, "Eat , Drink and be Pippin"  
  
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Pippin could not shake the little match girl out of his mind. Apart from the disturbing element given by the fact that it was a basil-induced dream, he still found the little match girl quite alluring. She was the sort of girl he envisioned as the perfect girl. Simple, caring, humble, beautiful, etc. It was with these thoughts that he settled down to sleep.  
  
He once again dreamed a strange thing. But it wasn't as severly disturbing as the last one. He was frolicking through a meadow of purple daffodils when he saw a horse. The horse was a beautiful chestnut brown, and trotted towards him. As the horse came closer, Pippin saw some strange markings on its back. They read "Seek for the strawberry in the river bed". Pippin thought, "I quite like strawberries". The rest of his dream was spent wandering the hills and countryside, looking for a riverbed, but he found none. He searched every valley and puddle, but no strawberries were to be found.   
  
Pippin woke calmly but slightly disappointed in not finding any strawberries. He slumped out of bed and walked up the road to Merry's place. He knocked three times and rang the doorbell. Merry did not answer. He knocked four times and rang the doorbell. Still no answer. He yelled into the woodgrain of the door, "MEERRRRRYYY!". At this point a rather dishevvelled and tired Merry looked out through a slightly open gap in the door. Merry grumbled a bit and mumbled:  
  
"What are you doing here? And in the morning?"  
  
"Strawberries"  
  
"Umm, what about them?"  
  
"Do you have any strawberries and can i have them?"  
  
"Umm, maybe, there are some in the garden plot out front"  
  
"What sort of garden plot? There are three here"  
  
"Umm, the one in the old riverbed"  
  
"The old riverbed? Woah, trippy!"  
  
Pippin, wandered through Merry's many garden plots, until he came to the plot embedded in the riverbed. Alas there were  
  
no strawberries. But there was a young girl sitting on the other side, she had picked all the strawberries. All five of them. Pippin felt downcast as he headed home. Suddenly, realization dawned. That was no young girl, it was the little match girl. Pippin ran back to the strawberry plot to find the young girl. But she had already gone and an even more downcast Pippin plodded home. Suddenly, realization redawned on him. He ran back to Merry's house where he rang the doorbell entusiastically and called, "MMMMEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYY!"  
  
A not so dishevelled Merry looked out through an open window.  
  
"What now Pip?"  
  
"The strawberry patch.."  
  
"Yes, what about it?"  
  
"There was a young girl, long chestnut hair, little gold dress with a red scarf tied round"  
  
"Oh, you mean Caitrin"  
  
"Caitrin? You know her?"  
  
"Yeah, she moved in a while ago. Why do you want to know?"  
  
"Umm, this is gonna sound silly, but...."  
  
"Pip, don't worry, most things you say sound silly"  
  
"Well, i had this dream where I met this lovely girl who looked just like Caitrin, then i had another dream where a message on a horse's back told me to look for the strawberries in the riverbed."  
  
"Ah, are you having an attack of the basil again, because Sam has a remedy for that.."  
  
"No, I want to meet her. See if she really is the little match girl of my dreams"  
  
"Little ma... I won't ask"  
  
"So where does she live?"  
  
"Down the road and turn right at the mulberry bush."  
  
"Yay, thanks Merry"  
  
"Have fun Pip, noW for some SLEEEP!"  
  
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hope you like that chapter. Yes, there will be more. Yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today.  
  
Read and review, please give me ideas coz otherwise this is gonna turn into a Mary-Sue (But it is not based on me, tis based on a friend cough*sheridan*coughcough oh well, bye for now 


	4. Pippin finds the girl of his dreams lite...

I own nothing, not even the red velvet coat i am wearing (i love my velvet coat)  
  
I hope this fic is good, i really hope so  
  
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Pippin ran down the road, found the mulberry bush, ran around it three times, and was swooped by a large bird. On his arrival to Caitrin' smial, he ran into her letterbox and fell into a garden plot of petunias. He picked himself up from the ground, dusted himself off and ran to the door, which he rammed into face first. The loud thump made a young hobbit bound to the door. The little hobbit opened the door, looked up, left, right, then down. She was somewhat surprised by the unconcious hobbit lying on her doorstep. She fetched a wheel barrow from the garden, took it to the front of the home and loaded the prostrate Pippin into it. She then wheeled it into her kitchen and set him down by the fire.   
  
She tried to wake him by a series of loud noises. Neighbours could hear saucepans being thrown across the room, pots being beaten with large sticks and screaming from her home. A few hobbits came to see what was wrong but were soon reassured with a quick explanation. Caitrin had tried everything, until she figured that she could use a hobbit's love of food to wake him. She started in making an assorted dish of stewed, baked, fried, steamed and boiled goodies. While the aroma filled the room, she leaned down to Pippin's ear and said,  
  
"Would you like a Lobster?"  
  
At this, Pippin jumped up and asked,  
  
"I'm hungry. What time is it?"  
  
Caitrin replied with a breath of relief,  
  
"It's a hair past a freckle, and there is some food in the kitchen if you would want it"  
  
"A hair past a freckle? Oh well, I like the sound of food though."  
  
Pippin clambered up from the wheelbarrow and stumbled into the kitchen. What he saw was a feast for his eyes, nose and mouth. He ran to the nearest dish of creamed corn and began to systematically dip other food stuffs into it. Through a full mouth, he mumbled,  
  
"You're a good cook, what's your name?"  
  
"I'm Caitrin"  
  
Pippin spluttered into his plate  
  
"CAITRIN?!?!"  
  
"Yees?"  
  
"Never mind, I just forgot. When i ran into your door, it was because i was searching for you. You see, I've been having dreams about you. Or rather dreams with you in them. I just wanted to see if you were as wonderful in real life as you were in the dreams."  
  
Caitrin could feel her ears starting to burn.   
  
"Um, but I've never met you before, how could i be in your dreams?"  
  
"It stumps me too"  
  
"So, what is your name?"  
  
"Oh, sorry, forgot to introduce myself. I am Peregrin Took, son of Paladin. Though, everyone just calls me Pippin"  
  
"Well, pleased to meet you Pippin"  
  
Pippin and Caitrin then sat down to a good meal. A large conversation took place, and soon Pippin was quite sure that this girl was the one of his dreams. Caitrin could not believe it. A hobbit had just gotten himself into her house by lying prostrate on the cobble-stones. She was surprised by the sheer luck of the matter. She had found herself a wonderful guy and was now, after probably thirty minutes, sitting down to dinner with him. Was this her lucky day or what?  
  
After hours of endless chatter about maps, family history and local geography. Pippin decided to leave. It was already midnight and Caitrin was starting to look a little tired. He sighed and pulled back his chair. What a wonderful evening they had enjoyed together.   
  
"Must you go Pippin?"  
  
"It's midnight, and Merry will be getting worried."  
  
"Don't you have your own smial?"  
  
"Yeah, i do, but it gets lonely at night, so i usually sleep Merry's place"  
  
"Oh, well you had better go then. Goodnight."  
  
With that statement, Pippin planted a soft kiss on her cheek, pulled on his coat and replied,  
  
"Goodnight"  
  
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This is turning into a Mary-Sue, oh well, i think i know how i can redirect the plot  
  
i hope so anyway  
  
i promise there will be more humour, if there isnt, i shall beat myself with a wooden spoon until i can knock some sense into myself.  
  
Tune in next time for more Pippin stories 


	5. Pippin breaks the bed

disclaimer: i own none of these characters except for caitrin. i want a pippin (can i have a Pippin for Christmas muuummmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy?) Oh well, enjoy.  
  
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It was morning after Pippin's night at Caitrin's, and from Merry's hobbit hole was coming some strange noises. The bed springs were springing and breaking with loud twangs. There seemed to be some load moaning and groaning coming from inside. Someone kept mumbling in a deep sighing and exhausted voice, "Keep going Merry, keep going" It seemed that Merry and Pippin were having a lot of fun together (but what sort of fun?) A closer look revealed the truth.  
  
"Come on Merry, keep on bouncing"  
  
"Bounce with me Pip, bounce"  
  
"Hey i can speak Entish: oooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrragggggggghhhh"  
  
"I can do Entish better than you:  
  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOEOEEEEEIIIIIIOOOOAAAAAAAAAIIIGGGHH"  
  
"Hey, you ARE good at Entish."  
  
"Is that ANY surprise?"'  
  
"Do you think I'd be able to break the bed if i did THIS?"  
  
Pippin jumped onto the bed-head then down onto the mattress with a loud thump.  
  
*THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP*  
  
"Don't do that Pip"  
  
"Do what? THIS?"  
  
*THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP*  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"Yes? Do it? OK"   
  
*THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP*  
  
"Stop it Pip, I wanna get off, i wanna get off"  
  
*THUMP THUMP THUMP CRACK*  
  
"Now you've done it Pip. Where are we going to get a new bed at this short notice? Hmmmmmm?"  
  
"We could stay at my house"  
  
"Is it clean yet?"  
  
"What do you mean, Yet? I maintain a high level of organisation"  
  
"No you don't"  
  
"Don't I? And what is your proof?"  
  
"Umm, lets see, the carrot stalks, the junk everywhere, the bread crumbs, your cockroaches,....."  
  
"Merry, the carrot stalks are for feeding my mice, the "junk" is incredibly useful material for building and such, the breadcrumbs are to feed to the pigeons and the cockroaches are my pets"  
  
"PETS? are all the vermin, disease-carrying, wild animals your PETS?"  
  
"Yes, why shouldn't they be"  
  
"I give up."  
  
"About time too, I was beginning to get hungry"  
  
"Pippin, you really are a bewildering hobbit"  
  
"Can i be a bewilderbeast?"  
  
"Oh dear....Pippin?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why don't we go down to your smial and clean it up a bit"  
  
"Yeah, sure, turn the small animals out onto the street, leaving them homeless and ALONE"  
  
"We'll build a home for them out the back of your home"  
  
"Okay, if you say so, but only after second breakfast"  
  
"Then after second breakfast it is then"  
  
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ENJOY? if u did, then REVIEW, REVIEW MY PRETTIES, REVIEW!!!!!!!  
  
i promise this for the next chapter for all you pippin sympathisers: NO SMALL DEFENCELESS HARMLESS ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE EVICTION CONDUCTED BY MERRY  
  
read and review, bysies, *sheridan says "I'm caitrin look at me, look at me"* 


	6. Pippin's rabbit

I own nothing (though i wish i did) so there nah.  
  
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Pippin had just finished off Merry's last three loaves of pumpkin bread, and was looking hungrily at the aniseed and rye loaf. Merry had been stuffing himself as well, but not half as well as Pippin. Pippin had eaten his way through three dozen boiled eggs, a jar of raspberry jam, three loaves of pumpkin bread, half a block of cheese and two pints of cream. Merry asked:  
  
"Are you satisfied yet? Can we go clean your smial yet?"  
  
"No, I said after SECOND breakfast, I haven't even finished my first"  
  
"You're a big fat jelly wobbly fat hobbit, you are. Now you've had quite enough to eat so let's go find that home of yours. I need to sleep in it tonight, so I'd like to have it remotely clean"  
  
"Come on Merry, but.."  
  
"No buts about it my lad, we have to go now, it's nearly midday already."  
  
"Awwwwwwwwwwww.................."  
  
Later at Pippin's hobbit hole.......  
  
"NOOOOOOOO, Merry!"  
  
"What is it Pip?"  
  
"Don't throw that out!"  
  
"What, this? But it's been here for ages. You're not going to tell me you actually plan to eat them?"  
  
"No, not the gum drop buttons!!! Anything but the gum drop buttons!!"  
  
"Alright Pip, but as long as you put them in a jar somewhere, and promise you'll use them before next year"  
  
"Yes Merry"  
  
"Now, what's this?"  
  
"OH, IT'S MY WITTLE WOTILVE. How has my wittle wotilve been without pippiny wippiny? Eh?"  
  
"Stop talking to that rabbit, it's probably got rabies by now"  
  
"How dare you say that! Wotilve hasn't got rabies and never will"  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"That's what the leprechaun told me. He told me that as long as I kept out of the deep end of the sandpit, my pets would never get sick"  
  
".........................."  
  
"What are you looking at me like that for?"  
  
":..................................."  
  
"What?"  
  
".................................................!!!"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"............................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"WHAT IS IT?!?"  
  
"............................................................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Alright, you've made your point. I'll take her down to see Sam in the morning."  
  
"........................"  
  
"Now what?"  
  
".................................."  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"...................................................."  
  
"STOP IT MERRY JUST STOP BEING SO SILLY!"  
  
"..........*COUGH*................"  
  
"That's it Merry, I've had it with your silliness"  
  
"Sorry Pip"  
  
"That's better"  
  
After this, Merry and Pippin proceeded to clean the rest of the house. This resulted in the discovery of a jar of jellybeans, a formal party suit, two chickens, a rather bedraggled dormouse which had been "trapped" in a barrel of the old vintage and Wotilve's rabbit hutch.  
  
Pippin was stacking the cupboards full of his aquired confectionaries when he heard a knock at the door. He placed the last of the jams on the top shelf, climbed off the stool and went to answer the door. When he opened the door, he saw Caitrin.  
  
"Pippin!"  
  
"Caitrin!"  
  
"Merry!"  
  
"Caitrin!"  
  
"Wotilve!"  
  
"*twitchtwitch*"  
  
"Hang on, how do you know my rabbit's name?"  
  
"ummmmmmmm, a lucky guess? After all, this is fanfiction"  
  
Ever-so-high-and-mighty author of this story: "you're not supposed to know that!"  
  
Caitrin: " Well too bad, we do"  
  
Ever-so-high-and-mighty author of this story: "But how?"  
  
Caitrin: "Because you just think we do, we're really just pigments of your exageration"  
  
Ever-so-high-and-mighty author of this story: "But why are you now talking in script format?"  
  
"Because i can"  
  
"But that's my line, and why am i arguing with you, not Pippin?"  
  
"Because Pippin fell asleep, Merry went home and Caitrin went out into the garden to pick some mulberries"  
  
"Then who are you?"  
  
"I am Wotilve"  
  
"I'm talking to a rabbit?"  
  
"Yes, and on the count of three, you will wake up and this shall all be just a happy dream. One......Two......Three"  
  
"*'.+~_,+*"Sparkle twinkle sparkle"*'.+~_,+*"  
  
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.."  
  
"What are you on about Pip?"  
  
"I don't know actually"  
  
"Oh well, let's go to sleep, I do believe the bedroom is now clean and fit for hobbit consumption"  
  
"You mean we get to eat the bedroom?!?"  
  
"Uh, no, but you can chew your pillow if you want"  
  
"YAY, off to sleep we go, a' off to sleep we go, hey ho the dairy oh, a' off to sleep we go"  
  
"Yes, of course we do. But i just want to sleep after that long day of cleaning"  
  
"Yeah, me too. As hyperactively childish as i can be, I think I'll go to sleep too"  
  
And as the sun sets over Hobbiton and the cassowaries rush across Farmer Maggot's farm, we say goodbye and Merry Christmas to Merry and Pippin as they sleep the night away.  
  
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I hoped you liked that, i had fun writing it.  
  
READ AND REVIEW, flame me if you like coz i that'll keep my tropical fish warm during the frostbitten nights of summer in Australia. 


	7. Pippin and Merry share

i own all of it, I OWN IT ALL FINALLY, yes, lotr is now officially mine, u may hear some ppl like peter jackson and others going round saying that THEY own lotr but it's not true NOT TRUE AT ALL  
  
*at this point a dozen men in white coats hurriedly rid the scene of that crazed lunatic*  
  
sorry, i had a bout of the SILLINESS back then. for future reference, i havent had much sleep, have been visiting relatives for the last four days and am currently running on three hours sleep and two profiteroles. please excuse any errors in judgement or social skills  
  
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Pippin woke up first and grunted at the sky in general for being so bright and sunny at such an early hour.   
  
"It's too early to be morning. Why am i the only one awake? And why is Merry here?"  
  
Pippin was usually such a morning person, but today, he just wasnt in the mood. He snuggled back under the covers and tried to recover some of that lost warmth. He pushed his body up against Merry's in an effort to warm his cold legs. He twined his feet round Merry's and held his arms round Merry's broad shoulders. He felt the soft rythmical beating of Merry's heart. He pressed his cheek up against Merry's and whispered into his ear:  
  
"merry? Merry? Merry, are you awake? Merry, Are you awake? Merry, Are you awake yet? Merry, Why are you sleeping? Merry, ARE YOU AWAKE? WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING ?"  
  
At this point, Merry rolled over and fell onto Pippin's teddy bear. Pippin screamed, "YOU KILLED MISTER FUZZY BUNCH!!!!"  
  
Merry woke up with a start. "What? Who? Where? How? Why? Cucumber? Yes? No? Maybe? I don't know? I don't believe you? You're lying!"   
  
"What?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Maybe"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"How are you?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Umm, would you like to eat my boots?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Are you just saying yes because you have nothing else to say because you are so very sleepy?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
At this point, Pippin realized the enormous potential in this situation.  
  
"Can i have your chocolate?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Can i eat your jelly beans?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Can i throw a huge party and smash up all your plates?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"WAAAAAHHHHOOOOOOOOOO"  
  
Pippin ran out the door and into the street to invite all the hobbits he knew to his party. And Merry got up out of bed and grumbled,  
  
"I thought he'd never leave"  
  
With this comment, he went to the front door and bolted it shut.  
  
It was a good deal later that Merry realized that by midday, his house would be oerrun with the youngest members of hobbiton. He quickly unbolted the door, ran into the street, and pelted into his hobbit-hole. Thankfully, only Pippin was there. But why was Pippin there?  
  
"Pippin, why are you here? Shouldn't you be out inviting all the hobbits in the Shire to my place for a party?"  
  
"Should I?"  
  
"Well, you shouldn't, but i thought you would be"  
  
"Merry, Merry, Merry, my dearest darling cousin Merry. You should know me better by now."  
  
"Ummm, you ran out of the house screaming "Wahoo". Doesn't that signify that you're about to cause havoc somewhere?"  
  
"Not always"  
  
"Oh, and when would this be demonstrated? When you ran out of the Green Dragon screaming "Wahoo" or when you ran out of Frodo's place screaming "Wahoo" or when you ran out of....."  
  
"Alright, maybe me screaming "Wahoo" does herald my moments of mischief. But not this time"  
  
"Why should i believe you?"  
  
"I'm you're cousin, would i ever lie to you?"  
  
"............."  
  
"Not again"  
  
"...........................*cough*.."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO"  
  
".........Pip, you've always lied to me, that's why i like you"  
  
"You like me?"  
  
"I do Pip, I like you a lot"  
  
"How much?"  
  
"Do you want me to show you?"  
  
"Yes Merry"  
  
"Come into the bedroom and i shall be able to demonstrate it more clearly to you"  
  
"I'll do as you say, Merry"  
  
"Yes Pippin, come"  
  
*****************************************  
  
For unknown reasons, Merry has somehow discovered slash and is now attempting to poison the mind of our poor Pippin here. What should we do? Should Pippin folow Merry? What will Merry demonstrate? HOW WILL PIPPIN SURVIVE HIS TORTUROUS MENTAL MIND-GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tune in next time for what happens to Pippin  
  
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	8. Pippin has a surprise

I own nothing, claim nothing, want nothing, (except to hear that wonderful singing of billy boyd's, *teh sigh*)  
  
Anyone who agrees with me that Billy Boyd has the most wondrous singing voice may post on the review page (as long as you make a constructive comment about the writing as well)  
  
*************************************  
  
Pippin walked after Merry obediently. What could Merry want to show him? Merry never kept secrets from him. Why did he have to go to the bedroom to see it? Why was Merry being so strange today?  
  
"Merry?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm hungry"  
  
"Well, you'll soon have something to eat"  
  
"Yay, WAHOO"  
  
"Isn't Wahoo something you say before a moment of mischief?"  
  
"Oh well, it is now a multi-purpose phrase"  
  
"Ah, we are now in the bedroom"  
  
"So what is it you want to show me? It was something to show me how much you love me, wasn't it?"  
  
"Yes, now you just sit on the bed and do what I do"  
  
"Okay"  
  
Merry unbuttoned his suspenders. Pippin did the same. Merry unbuttoned his shirt and threw it to the ground. Pippin did the same. Merry pulled off his trousers and let them pool around his ankles. Pippin did the same. He stepped out of the ring of discarded clothing and sat next to Pippin.   
  
"Pippin, I have a surprise for you"  
  
"YAY, what is it and why does it require me to have all my clothes off?"  
  
"You'll see"  
  
At this Merry stood up and moved towards the cellar-door.   
  
"Pippin, I want to show you something"  
  
"YAY, what is it , what is it, what is it?"  
  
"You'll see"  
  
Merry opened the door of the cellar-door and revealed........................A COMPLETE SET OF WASHING MACHINE, DRYER, IRON PRESS, WASHTUB, AND MINI-BAR!!!!!  
  
This came as a surprise to Pippin.   
  
"Merry, where did you get all this?"  
  
"I've been saving up. I just wanted to show just how much i value our friendship"  
  
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. But why did we need to take all our clothes off?"  
  
"To give it a test run of course"  
  
At this, Pippin rushed around the floor collecting all the discarded peices of clothing. He separated them into whites and colours and proceeded to load them into his brand new washing machine.  
  
"Oh Merry, how can i ever repay you?"  
  
"By doing my laundry and being my friend forever and ever"  
  
"Oh I will Merry, I will"  
  
****************************************************  
  
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA  
  
I had you all fooled there didn't i?  
  
You thought i was going to make them do something dirty, didn't you?  
  
i know you did, come on admit it. You all have dirty, sick and twisted minds.   
  
JUST LIKE MINE  
  
tune in next week for the next new character..........but who will it be? (review board is open for suggestions, can be an existing lotr character or other (but not a crossover) tee hee) 


	9. Pippin and the hedgehog

Sorry i haven't written for a while, but i've been up in the mountains having a wonderful time with my nephews.   
  
Disclaimer: i own absolutely none of this, my fish does though. *actually, i do own this story and if anyone wants to copy paste this on a website somewhere, then that is fine, as long as you say it is by Lexxie_Lizzie. so there nah* but i do not own any of the lord of the rings characters  
  
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Pippin was having a wonderful time with his new set of whitegoods. He had already washed most of the linen in the house. What he failed to take into account was the way colours run. At first, he had been careful. He did just as Merry had advised him, but all his clothes where now multi shaded. This would have been a bad thing to anyone else, but Pippin had been looking for an excuse to tie-dye all his clothes (and linen, towels, napkins, carpet, etc)  
  
He ran round the house looking for all his materil goods. He relieved pillow-slips of their pillows and sheets from their mattresses. He gathered them all into a bundle and headed for his new laundry. He stuffed it all into the machine roughly, saying "Get in, get in!". While he was doing this, there was a knock at the door. Pippin packed the rest of his sheets into the machine and trotted to the door.  
  
He opened the door to find Merry standing there.  
  
"Hello Merry. Fancy seeing you here! Would you like a cup of tea? Or would you prefer some wizz-fizz?"  
  
"What's wizz-fizz? Isn't it a type of sherbet?"  
  
"It's a type of fermented herbal tea mixture. It is made in the far reaches of Arka-loquer, and takes some months to perfect each batch. And yes, it is also a type of sherbet"  
  
"Well, I'll try a bit. Just a small tankard for me. And do you happen to have any of the sherbet?"  
  
"I'll see if i do."  
  
With this, Pippin toddled off to his pantry where he found the bottle of wizz-fizz. And behind that, he found a large canister of sherbet. They were going to have fun! Pippin cradled the canister in one arm and held the bottle in the other, with a couple of tankards suspended from his fingers.   
  
"Merry? Which tankard do you want? The one with the Red Dragon, or the one with the Green Dragon?"  
  
"I'll take the..........Red Dragon tankard"  
  
"So I get the Green Dragon. Hey, Merry, do you remember that song we used to sing at The Green Dragon? Oh, hey ho to the..."  
  
"We did that in the first chapter Pip. There's no need to go repeating ourselves here."  
  
"Awww, but i bet there's a fine echo in here."  
  
"Oh no you don't, Pip!"  
  
"Don't what?"  
  
"Don't sing that song!"  
  
"Pardon, Merry?"  
  
"I ain't staying if you insist on singing that song!"  
  
"What song would that be?" said Pippin innocently  
  
"You know the song to whom I am referring," said Merry icily. "You always get drunk and let me down and sing it."  
  
"Can't recall any song like that, Merry,' said Pippin meekly.  
  
"The one," said Pippin, "about the hedgehog that can't -that can't ever be persuaded to care about anything!."  
  
"Oh," said Pippin, beaming as light dawned, "you mean The Hedgehog Can Never Be Bugg-"  
  
"That's the one!"  
  
"But it's traditional," said Pippin. "It's only a folk song."  
  
"Pip?"  
  
"Yes Merry?"  
  
"What are we on about? I've never even heard of a hedgehog, let alone a song about them!"  
  
"I know a song about them!"  
  
"You do?"  
  
"Actually, no, i got a bit carried away there, and started telling lies."  
  
"It's okay Pip"  
  
"Thanks"  
  
************************************************  
  
During this meaningful conversation, they had been distracted from the presence of a large tub of sugar on the table. It was probably for the best, because we can probably all guess what sort of behaviour would result from that! But for all you unimaginative slobs out there, i shall devote the next chapter to "PippinSUGARSUGARSUGAR"  
  
So until next time, so long and thanks for all the sherbet.  
  
btw: In-jokes of this chapter like the wizz-fizz are kept solely for the amusement of the funny farm, all others may stare in bewilderment at their screens. Oh yes, and the big conversation between Merry and Pippin is a spoof off Terry Pratchett's Witches Abroad. Tis a very cool part! (and no, i will not put this story into crossovers, because it is just ONE chapter, so there nah!  
  
Flames will be used to light the beacons! 


	10. Pippin and the sugar scare

I OWN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (or not)  
  
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Pippin and Merry had just finished their discussion about hedgehogs, and decided it was time to break out the sugar.  
  
"Merry?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm hungry"  
  
"Well, that's why we're about to open the wizz-fizz, don't you read introductions?"  
  
"What an introduction?"  
  
"It's up there, at the top. Well, after the line of asterixes."  
  
"Oh, ok, ..da di da di dah..........discussion.........da di da di dah......time to break out the sugar. There, all done"  
  
"And now, for sugar"  
  
"Yay, I like sugar"  
  
It must be mentioned that the effects of sugar on a six year old child are magnified in the case of hobbits. Much in the same way as basil. We now cut ten minutes ahead into their sugar binge......  
  
"Merry?" slurred Pippin.  
  
"What?" drawled Merry.  
  
"I love you" gurgled Pippin.  
  
"I love YOU!" lisped Merry, while pointing a finger at Pippin, two inches from Pippin's face.  
  
"Thanks" burbled Pippin through a bowl of porridge which he had just fallen into face-first.  
  
"I think we should go have some fun outside."  
  
"Really? Where should we go?"  
  
"To Caitrin's house!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because she hasn't been in this fanfic lately, and i think she might be getting lonely."  
  
"Awwww, poor Caitrin, do you think we should get her a present?"  
  
"Yeah, let's bring the wizz-fizz and sherbet. She can have some of that!"  
  
"Yeah, great idea Merry"  
  
"As usual"  
  
As the two hobbits tottered down to Caitrin's house, the next stages of sugar withdrawral kicked in. As hobbits consume sugar, their bodies are driven into a state of shock for a while, but after that, they cut loose!  
  
Pippin was dancing down the path, kicking at thin air and singing loudly, "Footloose, kick off your sunday shoes.."  
  
"Pip?" aked Merry, comparatively sober.  
  
"Yeah?" replied Pippin, almost bouncing his buttons loose.  
  
"What are shoes?" queried Merry, questionably.  
  
"I don't rightly know Esme....I mean....Merry" answered Pippin, in a half-dream state.  
  
"What did you call me?" wondered Merry.  
  
"I think it was Esme, but I don't know why."  
  
"Me either. Hey there's Caitrin's house!"  
  
"How did we get here?"  
  
"By walking, or dancing in your case"  
  
"Woah!"  
  
As they walked (or frolicked) up the garden path to Caitrin's, Merry started to convulse. His sugar had built up instead of releasing itself throughout his body at a constant rate, like Pippin. Merry's body was about to explode in all it's sugary goodness. Pippin had seen the signs, but had never expected it to happen in his life. As a child, he had been told of this dreaded disease, about how disfiguring it can be to the victim, and what sort of destruction it can wreak upon civilisation......(bah bah BAAAAAAAAAAH)  
  
Merry was writhing on the ground. Muttering every type of sugary confection in the Shire. He was going through the first stages, and Pippin had to slow them down. He rushed into Caitrin's house and lifted the flamethrower from the side of the stable door. He ran round to where Merry was laid, but alas, HE WAS GONE. Pippin ran through the village, screaming at the top of his lungs:  
  
"SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT, SUGAR MAD HOBBIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Small children of the village had been warned that someday, this would happen. All the children knew the drill. The children dropped their kites and dolls and ran to the nearest smial. All gardeners hid in their sheds. All mothers held their children close by, and waited for the danger to pass. And all the men of the Shire would find their pitchforks, flamethrowers and other various forms of intimidation. Pippin led his entourage of enforcements up the hill to the man on the hill. Everyone knew about the hobbit on the hill. He knew how to cure all ills. Mothers knew how to treat colds and bruises, but this hobbit knew how to mend bones, brew vitality and even cure the sugar-madness. Pippin knocked on the door. He knocked for what seemed five seconds before the old one looked out. It only took one word to explian.   
  
"Sugar-madness"  
  
With that, the old hobbit reached for the orange bag which he kept by the door at all times, ever awaiting this dreadful day. The day when all his experience would be tested. A day when the fate of the Shire would be decided, BY HIM!  
  
The fortress was set. Pippin hated to do this to Merry, but he also knew what a danger there was presented to hobbitanity that day. Pippin walked along the line of hobbits, speaking as he went:  
  
"You are the one hope of Hobbiton. The united front against sugary evil. The only force that can tackle this beast. He is a hobbit like yourselves, but he is overcome with this terrible disease, and must therefore be taken. He will struggle, but force will only be used if neccessary!" At this point Pippin had started to weep, for he knew that by these words, he may be dooming his friend and cousin to torture and death. But he knew that this had to be done! That the Shire would not be safe otherwise. "He may seem a fearsome foe, but do not see him as that. He will try to overcome you with pity and adoration, but his sweetness should not sway your hearts! This day, we capture this menace. THIS DAY WE FIGHT!!!"  
  
At the conclusion of his speech, there was a loud cheer, and a tear rolled down Pippin's cheek. Why did this have to happen, why did Merry have to be involved. Pippin had managed well enough, but having to deal unsympathetically with your best frind and cousin was not easy. It tore Pippin's heart to do so, but he knew his duties. And Pippin was a slave of duty!  
  
All the hobbits were stationed, hidden behind bushes, keeping watch for the dreaded Merry. Sentinels had been positioned on opposing hills, on standby to reflect a ray of sunlight when the beast approached. And sure enough, from the eastern hill, a flash was seen. A mere twinkling on the horizon that sent a chill through the hobbits. For as the flash died down, there appeared on the plain, a figure. When Pippin had left him, Merry was wearing his usual dusty yellow vest and worn green trousers. But this figure was different. His shoulders were broad and capped with gold plates. A fluro yellow vest adorned a shiny white billowing shirt and his trousers were bright green and twinkling in the sunlight. Merry's head had changed too. His skull had grown and his eyes were inflamed, huge balls of blue with enormously dilated pupils. And his hair had grown solid and shiny. The rough curls and tangles had gone, and instead there lay a solid mass of glistening blonde ringlets. The creature was strange. As such had never been seen by living eyes, but the doctor HAD! The doctor spoke under his breath:  
  
"I have seen this in distant lands, starnge as it is, they do not defea by strength of arms, but by absolute and utterly ruthless CUTENESS!! It is called the sugar-madness in the westron tongue, but in the tongues of old, it is called......................ANIME!!  
  
A shudder went through the crowd. "But do not fear, for this is but a slight case, and i feel may be able to cure it myself"  
  
With that statement, the doctor strode out onto the field. Pippin gasped as he thought of what might happen to his dear Merry, but was reassured that it was the doctor, and not hundreds of marauding hobbits who were treating his friend.   
  
The doctor came to Merry. "Merry!" he declared at the creature. But there was no answer. "Meriadoc!" he shouted. But still no answer. "Okay, okay, Omedutu!" With that, the creature began his long conversation with the doctor. Pippin had never heard such a strange toungue, but was relieved when both Merry and the Doctor sat down. The doctor handed Merry an elaborate talisman, and told him a long and complicated story, which involved many hand gestures and ricly coloured garments to be pulled out of the orange bag. Eventually, the two stood up. They stood face to face and held the talisman between them. The doctor and the creature had agreed and were about to undergo a complete transformation. The doctor said to the creature, "Samui kara mado o shimete kudasai." and the creature shrieked. Pippin had heard something like it when Merry had gotten a spliter but this scream was a thousand times worse. He covered his ears and tried not to think of what was happening to Merry. But he still felt a tear roll down from between his fingers. But then, the screaming stopped, and there int he middle of the field was the doctor, and Merry.  
  
Pippin ran down from his tree and sped towards his cousin, but he was unconcious. The doctor said, "He shall be out for some time, he will need rest." "But what happened?" "I distilled the sugary sweetness out of his body, and i have stored it in this tiny talisman." The doctor then held up a small stone. It seemed ordinary enough, but at the touch, it glowed bright orange. The doctor said "This is what drove your cousin mad! It seems that the sugar was too much for him. But i have never seen this happen in a mere case of sugar-madness. What else did he eat?" "Well, we had some sherbet, and some wizz-fizz.."  
  
"Wizz-fizz? I have heard that name, but i cannot recall. What is it?" "It's a type of fermented herbal tea mixture. It is made in the far reaches of Arka-loquer, and takes some months to perfect each batch." "Ahhhh, so it would be the famous Wizz Fizz, the one which produced Herbie!" "Herbie?" "Never you mind young hobbit, it would make your head boggle. All you ever need know is that this talisman now holds the power over all unsweetened lifeforms on Middle Earth. It is dangerous, so i shall keep it safe. For now, you must take your friend and nurse him back to health. AND NO MORE SHERBET!!!!" 


	11. Pippin and tandum yoga

I own nothing, i invent them for my own emotional benefit, but have no advantages other than that. i do no recieve money or profits for this work of nonsense, only a sense of unfulfilled fulfillment.  
  
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Pippin had carried his friend home over his shoulders, and was beginning to feel the strain. Merry was older than he, and a great deal heavier. Pippin flopped onto a patch of grass and shuffled Merry over to one side. Merry was his best friend, and Pippin had never seen him like this. Merry was usually so lively, so energetic, so much like Pip. Pippin looked around. There was a large field, just like the one he and Merry used to frolick in on a sunny summer's day. Pippin looked around himself. He was sitting in someone's front garden. But it wasn't just anyone's front garden. It was Caitrin's garden. Pippin ran to the door.   
  
"Caitrin!!! Caitrin!!!"  
  
Caitrin peeped out through the curtains, and a wide grin spread across her face.  
  
"Pippin!!!"  
  
"Caitrin!!!!"  
  
Caitrin ran to the door and unlatched it from the inside.  
  
"Pip, what's the occassion?"  
  
"Oh, I just saved the village from unestimable damage from a mad rampaging beast..."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Merry."  
  
"Oh, well come inside, and I'll fix you both a nice afternoon tea. I assume Merry IS outside?"  
  
"Oh yes, of course, I would never go anywhere without Merry"  
  
While Caitrin shuffled into the house, Pippin went over to get Merry. Pip placed his arms under Merry's, lifted him and frog-marched him into the kitchen.   
  
"Come on Merry, you don't want to miss afternoon tea."  
  
At these words, Merry woke up.  
  
"Hullo Pip, what was that you were saying about tea?"  
  
"You're awake!! Thank goodness. Hey Caitrin! Merry's awake!!"  
  
"All the better for him to eat afternoon tea. I'll just get an extra mug."  
  
Merry was still a bit disoriented from the ordeal, and found it hard to speak, let alone hole himself upright in a chair. While Pippin and Caitrin had been speaking, Merry had fallen, sideways, out of his chair. Pippin turned at the loud thump. Merry had gotten himself into a rather odd position incorporating a three legged stool and a fork. It was this odd position that caused Pippin to trip and fall onto Merry, resulting in an even odder position which incorporated an additional stool.  
  
"Merry. Pippin. You both know better than to practice tandum-yoga in other people's houses!"  
  
Caitrin was giggling as she said this, but Pippin and Merry saw little amusement as they detangled themselves from each other.   
  
"We weren't practicing tandum-yoga, we were just........."  
  
"....resting.."  
  
"Yeah,...resting.."  
  
"Well whatever you did, you've been officially labelled disturbers of the peace!"  
  
"Since when has that been a surprise to either of us?"  
  
"Yeah, me and Pip have always been disturbers/ploughers/stirrers/bakers of the peace"  
  
"Yeah! And proud of it"  
  
"Well you two had better find some way to repay your debt to society. How about you do a little gardening. Like Sam. He does gardening for free. Especially for Frodo."  
  
"Yeah, he does a lot of things for Frodo, doesn't he Pip.."  
  
"Merry! I'm surprised at you! Sam doesn't do those things for free..."  
  
At this point Merry and Pippin started chuckling into their hands. Pippin whispered something into Merry's ear which resulted in him rolling on the ground in the natal position.  
  
"Merry! Pippin!! I don't kow what's gotte into you. When i saw you on the front doorstep, i thought you were going to be really serious for a change."  
  
"We can be serious, can't we Pip?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
Merry and Pippin held straight faces for a total of 14 and a half seconds before spluttering out in synchronised laughter.   
  
"Yeah, you two sure know how to be serious."  
  
"Yup, we know how to behave, we've had lessons!"  
  
"From who?"  
  
"Me!"  
  
"What? You taught Pip how to behave?!?"  
  
"Yup, you should have seen him BEFORE my lessons. He was a complete nutcase."  
  
Pippin jumped up frm beneath the table, "Completely bonkers!"  
  
"And now look at him. What with him and you now.....you know.....together"  
  
"What? Me and Pip? That was seven chapters ago!"  
  
"And.....?"  
  
"Well, you can hardly expect me to stay with a hobbit who has dinner at my place then never contacts me for seven chapters!"  
  
At this point Pippin runs off to the next room. A few muffled sobs are heard through the walls.   
  
"Now look what you've done. You've gone and made Pippin cry. He's a fragile lad, and you're going to make up to him. Understand?"  
  
"Yeah, I understand. Hey, where are you going?"  
  
"I'm going home, And I'm not coming back until Pippin's well and truly happy again."  
  
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Hope you enjoyed it. i dont know if there's going to be a plot or anything, but as far as i know, Pippin and Caitrin are going to have a chapter together. *AWWWWWWWWWWWWW*   
  
Hope to see you back here for the next chapter. Byeeee  
  
Flames will be used to fuel my jet to Canberra for BOBW (i dont know if i'll be going, noooooooooooooo) 


	12. Pippin and Dolphi

I own nothing, except for the little stuffed animals (except for Dolphi, that one is Caitrin's)  
  
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Caitrin sighed to herself. Merry was a very persuasive person when he needed to be. Even though he'd been mostly dead all day, he still managed to convince her to take care of Pippin. What a situation to be in. Pippin was sitting on the edge of her bed sobbing. It sounded like a low gurgling of tears through his nose. Pippin was odd like that. He was odd in many respects, but especially the way he laughed and cried. He laughed like a fruitcake that had just ingested a large amount of treacle. Well, as a fruitcake would sound if it could actually make a noise. Caitrin was pondering the many oddities of Pippin when she walked into her room.   
  
"Pippin?"  
  
"blubsnorthonkgurgle, yeah?"  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for what I said back there."  
  
"snortgurgleblubhonk, it's ok, honkblubgurglesnort, It's just, I don't know"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"oh, i don't know, I just don't know!!"  
  
At this point Pippin let out a frustrated wail.  
  
"OOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAH, WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE?"  
  
"Um,,,,,What happens to you?"  
  
"I don't know"  
  
"Here, what can I do to make you feel better? A hot cup of tea? A present? A large sampler platter of mushrooms?"  
  
"You have mushrooms?"  
  
"No, but I have tomatoes."  
  
"What sort of tomatoes?"  
  
"Lugarno Tomatoes, best sort of tomatoes"  
  
"Well, I don't much like tomatoes. But i'll tell you what i do like."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"HUGS!!!!"  
  
Pippin leapt onto Caitrin, toppling her off the bed and onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around her and proceeded to roll her around the room.  
  
"Pippin, ger'off ger'off"  
  
"Why? Don't you like playing Washing Machine Turbo*TM?"  
  
"No, I'm sure you and Merry love it, but I, for one, prefer activities that don't require me acting like a hyperactive hedgehog."  
  
"Awwwwwww"  
  
"But if you like hugs so much, I know just what will cheer you up"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"DOLPHI!!!"  
  
"Dolphi?"  
  
"Yeah, DOLPHI"  
  
"What's Dolphi?'  
  
"Dolphi is my stuffed dolphin toy. Dolphi is grey and fuzzy and oh so cuddly."  
  
"I like cuddles. Can I have a cuddle?"  
  
"Yeah sure, but only from Dolphi"  
  
"Awwwwww, but I'm sure Dolphi would feel a bit strange getting cuddles from me. I mean, Dolphi barely knows me. I know! You cuddle Dolphi, then I cuddle you."  
  
"On one condition"  
  
"Name your price"  
  
"I get to put your hair up in pigtails"  
  
"No"  
  
"You said you wanted a cuddle, and this is the price. You get to cuddle me, and I get to put your hair up in pigtails!"  
  
"Okay"  
  
Caitrin held Dolphi close and Pippin cuddled all he could. He was going to get his money's worth. There was no way that he was going to have his hair put up in pigtails for a mere cuddle. Pippin wrapped his arms around Caitrin and held her close. His fingers tracing the braiding on her dress. He felt all the little crevices of her ...  
  
A/N: Cut!!!! This is not a mary-sue or a romance!!!!! Pippin, go to the other side of the room!!! You should be ashamed of yourself!! And you Caitrin, making Pip feel sad in the first place, and THEN threatening to put his hair up in pigtails!! You two are no better than childish six year olds!!! Now go sit in the corner and think about what you've done!!!! The both of you!!!  
  
"This is all your fault, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be sad, and none of this would have happened"  
  
"Too bad, if you weren't so intent on cuddling me, this would have all been resolved ages ago"  
  
"Well it's not my fault if you wear very provocative clothing"  
  
"PROVOCATIVE!! I'm wearing four layers of clothing!!! And I'm a hobbit!!! How can I be PROVOCATIVE?"  
  
"I don't know!"  
  
"Anyway, it's still your fault for being so infuriatingly cute and cuddly!!"  
  
"Well, it's all your fault for being so huggably adorable"  
  
There was a pause as each party realised what they had said. Then each Caitrin and Pippin rushed across the room and into each other's embrace.  
  
"Pippin!!!"  
  
"Caitrin!!!"  
  
"I love you!!"  
  
"I love you too!!!"  
  
"Let's never fight again!!"  
  
"Yes, let's!!!"  
  
As the two hobbits were enjoying their new-found friendship, there was a knock on the door. It was Merry. Caitrin and Pippin released each other from their grasp and hurried over to the door.  
  
"Merry!!"  
  
"I heard a noise like a fruitcake that had just ingested a large amount of treacle, and I guessed Pippin had been cheered up. How did you manage it? Normally it takes at least an hour or two to make him go from misery to hysterical laughter. What's your secret?"  
  
"Now that would be telling!"  
  
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Hope you enjoyed that. I enjoyed writing it. If you have any suggestions, please do not hesitate to put them into a review. Thankyou  
  
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 


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